Things Not To Do When You Want Something from Someone

Let's see if this approach makes sense to you.

Earlier today, I had a phone call from a woman who let me know that she would like to be considered to make a presentation to our eWomenNetwork chapter here in Bellevue.  She is currently representing a local radio talk show and they want to tap into our network to get more people to attend their September event and she felt that speaking at one of our events would be the best way to spread the word about their program.  She is hoping to get attendees and sponsors out of the deal. 

And then she shared with me that while she has been aware of eWomenNetwork here locally for some time now, she hasn't felt a need to participate or join in our events because our members are not her target market for her main business.

Oooops.  Mental end of the discussion on my side of the conversation.

Would you like to know what went wrong here? 

First, this person let me know that she operates from a taker mentality.  She wants to come to speak at an eWN event so that she can get eWN members to sponsor her client's event.  Not one word was mentioned about what value she would be bringing to our members with her presentation.

Second, whether she knew it or not ... she let me know that our members aren't people that she would ordinarily spend time networking with.   

Third, since she hasn't been to one of our events, she doesn't know how our events work and she wanted me to explain that to her. 

How could this have been handled better?

Well, first, she could have done some research.  If there is something you want, you need to do your own research.  If you decide that someone is your target market and it is a networking group - heck you might want to actually attend an event and see how things work. 

Had she ever been to one of our events, she would know that she would have to come from a place of giving.  Networking is about building relationships first.  The giving comes first and the getting comes later.  With a giving mentality, she could have called with an idea of a presentation that would have offered value for our members. 

And lastly, if you want someone to help you ... don't insult them.  Telling me why she hasn't taken time to learn about our network in the terms that she did reminds me of a story that my friend, Nancy Juetten, always tells. 

Nancy says, "If you are trying to get a story about your business in the local newspaper, don't call up the editor and tell him/her that you never read their newspaper but you want to have a story about your business featured in an upcoming edition."  That's not a smart PR strategy!

So, the lesson is ... if you want to speak at an event to get exposure for your business, do the following:

• Research the organization where you want to speak
• Go to an event as a guest to see if the culture is right for what you want to achieve
• Craft your presentation so that you show value for the audience - what's in it for them?
• Be careful of what you say about the organization that you want to speak at
• Craft your pitch to the decision maker in such a way that you show total respect for that person's time and for the organization as well 

Comments

[Nancy Juetten]

Amen. Well said!

[Hair Farmer Joe]

All good points Zita.

In my business I am hit up every day by people who want something for nothing (takers). Many times they want me to help promote and help grow their business or organization, but are unwilling to do anything to help me in return - except maybe sell me a membership and/or admission to the same events I help them publicize. If you can believe it, some of these same people won't even take the time to meet with me or return my phone calls or emails.

Sometimes, if I like them, I will help them out any way - even though it doesn't feel good. But it is usually only a one time deal because any kind of long term relationship has to be give and take. In my book (and newspapers) any relationship worthwhile HAS to be MUTUALLY beneficial.

[Julia May]

Zita, I really appreciate you telling us of this experience. Just from your tone, it is given with an attitude of sharing and learning. Your description of the facts, why this was the wrong approach, and how this could have been better executed is very helpful reminder to us all. Thank you.

[Zita Gustin]

Hi Julia,

I did want to make this a learning situation. Many of us are also looking for speaking engagements to promote our businesses or our "expert" status.

Sometimes, I think we can learn more from the "what not to do" lessons in life for they so stongly illustrate the consequences of our actions.

My hope is that everyone who reads this will make a mental note to be totally prepared with a value proposition any time and anywhere that they decide to make a request for a speaking engagement.

[Paula]

Absolutely right on, Zita. When doing a speaking engagement it has to be about giving the audience a great experience (and also about helping the sponsor, if that's different). Then the receiving comes naturally.
For example, if an audience for one of my Art Talks has a good time and learns something fascinating about art, (and the restaurant or other venue makes some money and gets some new customers,) then people are anxious to hear about my tours and learn more etc. and practically beg me to sign them up for more information. I can't imagine that would be the case if I tried to sell tours instead of share my passion for Italian art.

[Working Girl]

This is funny.

I'm sure the person never knew what she was doing wrong.

And the lessons from this example can be applied to many life situations. Like job hunting! When people are looking for a job it's because they need a job and are worried about not getting a job and are all tensed up about their resume and interviewing and what does their hair look like, etc., etc. They are thinking about THEMSELVES (which is pretty human, after all).

But the best way to get a job is to think about the employer. What does he want, what does he need, what are his worries. Then think about how to meet those needs and wants and worries.

It's so simple but in the moment easy to forget......